I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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