My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
