omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
