im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
