never play flip cup with pint glasses
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
