So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
