hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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