$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just forgot I was standing up.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
