I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
