New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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