I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
