Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
