Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
