I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
