He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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