I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
