You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
