I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
