He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
