he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
