He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
