The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
