Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
