I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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