I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
