The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
