it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
