i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
