Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
a search helicopter?!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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