So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
