it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
