the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Sober January is a disaster.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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