if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
