I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I enjoy the company of your penis
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
