Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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