you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
