Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
