no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
