I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
