ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
