I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
