I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
