I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
