just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
