Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
