And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
