I'm eating all of the evidence.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
