You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
