they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I AM VODKA MAN
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The cops high fived after they tackled you
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
