So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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