Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
