I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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