I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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