Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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