Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
