if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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