My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
