i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
